Michael: It is Friday morning and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Oh my God. Ohhh. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Oh, we have a serious problem here. Alright everybody, lock the doors, turn off the lights. Pretend you’re not here.
Jim: Are we in danger?
Michael: There’s no time to think about if this is real. Just, shh, everybody.
Kevin: Michael, should I call the… [Michael waves hands] What?
—
Michael: The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start.

Dwight: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff, I can look up anyone’s psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections. There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we are down river from that old bread factory.

Pam: It’s like squishing a spider under a book. It’s gonna be really gross but I have to look and make sure that it’s really dead.

Michael Scott: Think about this: what is the most exciting thing that can happen on TV or in movies, or in real life? Somebody has a gun. That”s why I always start with a gun, because you can’t top it. You just can”t.