Michael: Newsflash: I’ve been here for fifteen years. Headline: You have been here one day. End of story. You have no right to cancel my fifteenth anniversary party. End of story. End of story. End of story!
Charles: I don’t know if I have hurt your feelings or you do not disagree with my methods, but it is over.
Michael: Ok, no, no, no, no. No. You know what? I’m going to New York. And I am going to talk to David Wallace. I’m going to tell him everything. And I’m sorry to say, you’re screwed. And, you know what? You are gonna be through. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry to do that to you. Do you even know how paper is made? It’s not like steel. You don’t put it into a furnace. If you put paper into a furnace, you know what would happen? You’d ruin it. [pushes chair]

Stanley: Pardon me, may I have a chocolate chip cookie? I gave blood earlier and I’m still feeling woozy.
Blood Drive Worker: Of course. That’s weird. You got a cotton ball and tape and we’ve been using Band-Aids.
Stanley: I, uh-oh I feel so woozy I just.. [to Phyllis] Band-Aids.
Phyllis: Damn.

Jim: Love me, love me, say that you love me, fool me, fool me,
Karen: Stop.
Jim: Go on and fool me. Love me, love me, say that you love me
Karen: This is not fair, this is going to be in my head all day. Please.
Jim: fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. Love me,
Karen: This is not a proportionate response.
Jim: Love me, say that you love me. Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me.
—
Andy: I don’t care ‘bout anything but you.

(via dundermifflinite)

Holly: Hey Kevin.
Kevin: Hi.
Holly: Do you need some help?
Kevin: I can’t decide what to get.
Holly: Well, what do you like to eat?
Kevin: Well I like pretzels, but, I really like chips.
Holly: Hmm. Well how much money do you have there? Okay, let’s see.fifty..Oh, this is a button. Okay. Fifty-five, sixty-five, okay, you have seventy-five cents. So, that means you could get anything up in the top row.
Kevin: Hm..
—
Kevin: I’m totally gonna bang Holly! She is cute, and helpful, and she really seems into me.

Pam: So it turns out Donna and I have a facebook friend of a friend in common, so I was able to see some of her pictures online. This was taken two weeks ago. And this was taken the same night. This photo was taken this morning. It’s Cece. She’s never gonna do anything wrong.

Pam: Oh good, I’m just in time for Ping.
Jim: Yeah.
Michael: [doing impression] Oh, dat wir be fwar. Ah, me so horny.
Michael: Right? You know wat I’m talking ‘bout.

Ryan: Um, a few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and my cousin, Mufasa was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and, um, we all… took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience of what happened.
Michael: Do you want to talk about it anymore?
Ryan: Oh, it would probably take me like an hour and a half to tell that whole story.

Michael: Okay.. I’m going to toss the ball to Pam.
Pam: Let’s see. I had an aunt that I was really close to. She was this amazing female boxer. Um, anyway, she was injured in a fight, and she was paralyzed. So, you can imagine how upset I was when I found out that she asked her manager to remove her breathing tube so she could die.
Michael: Wow. If you wanna cry, that’s okay.

Hotel Employee: Uh, sir? A lot of people are trying to get last-minute reservations at hotels here for the Olympics, but we’ve been fully booked for months.
Michael: Well, I have been booked for three years, so you should have that. I’ve always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place, but I am not getting that from this conversation.
Dwight: Wait, I got it! Confirmation code: XV2RDM!
Hotel Employee: …Oh, here it is. Yep.
Michael: Oh.
Dwight: Thank you.
Hotel Employee: Uh-huh. Seven nights in our street-view economy single?
Michael: That’s it!
Hotel Employee: Yeah, we changed it since it was a while back. I do apologize.
Michael and Dwight: Uh-huh, okay…
Hotel Employee: Yeah, how may I help you Mr. Scott?
Michael: Alright, I would like to cancel my reservation, please.
Hotel Employee: There is a cancellation fee for this, sir.
Michael: Okay, put it on my card.

Michael: This is Darryl Philbin. Isn’t he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will “do” you. No, no. But she has already dated two guys in the office, that we know of, so, this could be number three, you never know?
Pam: Excuse me?
Michael: Come here. I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
Oscar: Why, why wouldn’t you say that to her face?